GUARDIAN ANGEL: We would never harm your lawn!

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Dear Guardian Angel, first of all we must admit that we are truly grateful for your discretion – that you neither denounced us to the police for our offence nor betrayed our nationality although we were caught in the act.

Yes, we dared to trespass, unauthorised, onto the holy ground of Ayscoughfee bowling green.

Believe us, we would never vandalise your beautiful lawn – we were just thrilled and in awe at the nice work your gardeners have achieved to perfection. Some of us just wanted to enjoy the smooth feeling under our feet… Nevertheless we happened to read about our shame in Thursday’s Guardian and were painfully confronted with our ignorance of sports conventions.

Please accept our sincerest apologies. We promise never to tread on this perfect ground again unless invited, and in the meantime will register for a bowls course (beginners) to gain the required expertise.

Angelika and Uwe and 20 kids from Germany