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That Was A Close One!




Last week I hosted Quadring’s premier social event in my back garden. I can officially report that no one suffered any ill effects from my cooking including Her Royal Highness Fiona 'the BBC' Bruce.

Whilst tidying up following the party, my wife Claire told me that one of our guests who shall remain nameless, let’s just say their name rhymes with Truce, said “that the garden looked okay but it really needed a water feature!”

Claire was worried as this comment had come from such an esteemed guest, the personification of country style and grace. Well you only have to watch Mrs Truce on the Antiques Roadshow to see why. Her subscription to Horse and Hound would be in jeopardy. A choice word from Mrs ‘Truce’ about our lack of water featurette and it could all be over.

Did she mean a large palace of Versailles fountain, a tasteful nude with a pair of large jugs, water jugs? Why, in ancient times it was deemed necessary to strip off naked to carry water I’ll never know.

How would we power our Horse and Hound subscription-saving water feature. Given my DIY inadequacies, the thought of mixing live electrical wires and water was a task I felt not fully ready to tackle.

That’s before you then deal with the real elephant in the room or in the garden so to speak. The thought of digging a hole for hours then lining the hole and getting said water feature to work brings me out in a cold sweat just thinking about it.

There was only once course of action I could see and that was to sell the house and move out. In time Claire could then apply for a new subscription to Horse and Hound under her maiden name from our new address.

In the dark days that followed we could not see a way to solve our problem until I had a chance encounter with Will at Baytree who said that they had just taken delivery of a range of solar powered water features. I could have kissed him but Claire was kissing him first.

I can with great pride announce that our solar powered water feature looks beautiful in the centre of our garden, a tasteful shallow bowl upon a Corinthian plinth, no digging, no wires, no stress and Mrs Truce says it looks wonderful.

More importantly though, the latest copy of Horse and Hound arrived through the letter box this morning. Happiness and harmony, that’s what counts in a marriage.



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