OUT IN THE GARDEN: Gardening advice for the non-gardener. In association with Baytree Garden Centre, of Weston
During my recent foray into the dark art of gardening I have learnt several key lessons.
Number 1: Don’t garden in the rain, you’ll get wet. Number 2: Make sure no one is watching you work. They will laugh at you when you fall over in the mud. Mud I must add that would swallow up lesser men.
My wife says she did not laugh whilst watching my life threatening incident and denies that it was her who posted the video to Youtube. However if the clip does manage to find its way onto “You’ve Been Framed” I will of course seek my £250.
Following my near death experience I wrote a very strongly worded letter to my local MP demanding that he take action against the woeful state of the mud in my garden.
Fortunately during this time I was also telephoned by Lydia from a “No-Win No-Fee” company who told me I had a solid case.
I’d spied these “Carpet of Colour” Summer Bulb boxes at Baytree on my last visit and they were only £5.99 on special offer. They were essentially a box full of summer flowering bulbs of different varieties. Scatter and plant that was to be my next covert gardening mission.
Anyway, safe in the knowledge that I would receive 100 per cent of the compensation owed which I was sure would just be a legal formality I decided I could afford to risk a brief incursion into the garden. I can tell you now, Bear Grylls would have been proud of me. I even made sure I had some Kendal Mint Cake should I get into difficulties.
Before I started I knew I needed the right tool for the job, I needed one of those small spades. Sarah in Bulbland told me they are called trowels. Anyway I bought a trowel.
Under the cover of darkness I followed the instructions on the box. I scattered the bulbs on the ground and where they came to rest was where I planted them. Unknown to me my neighbours had reported seeing torchlights in the garden. The Police were very understanding once I have explained what I was doing. Perhaps looking like a cat burglar in the dead of night was not such a good thing. However it will be a long time before my wife lets me forget this night!
A few days later I received a letter from my MP assuring me the mud in my garden would be dealt with following Brexit.