Ward’s World with madcap inventor John Ward

Inventor John Ward's take on life ...
Inventor John Ward's take on life ...
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In past years I have attended assorted school reunions that influenced me so much I have avoided the last in the current series of ‘get-togethers’ although I won’t miss the patronising verbal exchanges and the following has been the staple conversation starter for as long as I can recall.

Now we have not met each other since leaving school but I have been greeted many times with ‘You haven’t changed at all!’ which begs the question as to just how many bald headed kids were in our class and it’s even worse for the girls.

I have been greeted many times with ‘You haven’t changed at all!’ which begs the question as to just how many bald headed kids were in our class ...

Shaking hands with folk who have had face lifts or Botox/ whatever and when they smile both their ears break out into a conga dance routine as the facial muscles fight against the rest being pulled taut – the slack has to go somewhere.

People change so much. Dave was always considered big and went on a crash diet and attended one reunion but sadly he didn’t consider the diet effects on his many tattoos about his body and most of the inscriptions or writing went all wonky and is now unreadable so his only hope is to get it translated into anything foreign.

Then the ‘Whatever happened to?’ moment where sightings of people are mulled over as to if they are still about, are they out or on probation or who they married etc. or how many they have married and if so why did we not get an invite to the bash/s?.

Life problems are shared such as Steve who would like to be called Laura once he/she goes through with the operation as planned as he had now had the full counselling sessions. I was spell bound as he (still) explained that part of the reason was mail order catalogues as the woman’s fashion section went to over a thousand pages but menswear a couple of hundred and gave a better choice of clothing and he was deadly serious and to think we called him ‘Gormless Steve’ at school. Later in the evening curiosity got the better of a few as they watched to see which toilet he/she would go in.

There is however a darker side in that often in earlier years the (unplanned) reunion was in a church which was the setting for one of ‘our lot’ who did not make it into the misty ‘Last of the Summer Wine’ life that may well await us as we have lost our own Compo, Nora, Foggy etc. who were only in their 30’s or 40’s and to be at such events and seeing the parents in total grief attending their son’s or daughter’s departure has been cruel and words really are futile at such times and as cancer was responsible in many cases I now direct my own humble charity efforts towards the Mcmillan Cancer Care.

One thing I would like to know is whatever happened to Pete who was a very good karaoke type singer – in those far off days the process was then called ‘drunk and disorderly’ – as I now watch ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ to see if he may still be going as I think I would vote for him for old time’s sake.

Now do I go to the next one or not? - ha well, get the revolving dicky bow out and go I suppose.