Aloe, is it me you’re looking for . . ?

Trish Burgess
Trish Burgess
Have your say

TRISH TAKES FIVE: By Trish Burgess

Spa treatments. Am I the only woman in the world who doesn’t relish the thought of a bit of pampering? I think I must be a little peculiar but I just don’t enjoy being rubbed and scrubbed by a complete stranger.

The concept of paying someone to slather me in essential oils is acutely embarrassing and, in any case, I’ve got someone at home who’ll do that for free if there’s nothing good on the telly.

When we are on holiday, many hotels have the most amazing spas but the most I will do is have a dip in the pool. I can’t see the attraction of a hot stones massage when there is often a perfectly good beach and a sunbed which will relax me just as well.

The treatment menus from these spas can be very entertaining, though. Here’s one from a very swanky Mediterranean establishment we visited some years ago -

“Tropical Escape: drenched with papaya and pineapple, this tropical wrap is enriched with crème fraiche blended with potent anti-ageing ingredients such as collagen and elastin. 70 minutes. 150 euros.”

I really can’t see myself spending 130 quid to be wrapped up like a fruit salad tortilla. Maybe if I just raid the dessert section of the hotel buffet I could do this one on the cheap.

“Green coffee treatment for cellulite. 100% effective at fighting free-radical damage. 55 Minutes. 125 euros.”

I reckon I could do just as good a job by having a brisk rub down with a flannel dipped in Nescaff.

“Caviar and pearls facial: a natural alternative to Botox using Russian caviar and pearl extracts. Ideal for those who would like to minimise the signs of ageing, dramatically reducing facial expression lines. 60 minutes. 240 euros.”

240 euros to have fish eggs rubbed into your face! I now see how this really works: you see the price, your jaw drops and in doing so your wrinkles disappear.

So you see, I’m immune to beauty marketing. Or at least I thought I was until this week when I succumbed to a fancy bottle of hair conditioner at the supermarket. Well it was half price. Its magic ingredients are wheat protein and sugar beet.

Of course, I like to use local ingredients so sugar beet from the Fens sounded appealing. But it did make me wonder, would I have the same results if I rinsed my locks in some mushed up Weetabix and a sprinkling of Silver Spoon?

You can follow Trish on Twitter @mumsgoneto and read her blog at