The humanity switch
Imagine the most intense feelings you’ve ever felt. Towards a person, an experience, anything whatsoever that made you feel intense. A busted tap with only newspaper to unblock it. A fire alarm you don’t know the code for. The wildest ocean’s undercurrent you are hopelessly lost in. That is the relationship I have with my emotions.
It can be almost impossible to wrench my obsessional compulsive thoughts from the grip of my emotions and more often than not it’s about people. Being so in tune can make for a horrible loop. I do believe that my immense passion comes from past pain and it can be so draining. It leaves me feeling stressed because, whilst I know I cannot help and connect with everyone, I still want to do my damn best!
This emotional turmoil combined with my poor executive functioning skills (planning, organizing and executing) makes for a chaotic mind. Can anyone relate? I also have massive issues with indecision and have used a coin toss to decide where to spend my evening a few times before, it’s been that annoying. I just... have no idea!
The power of love may make Frankie Go To Hollywood but it makes Callum go to hell. I get overpowered with love without the social tools to hold back, for better or worse, and sometimes I wish I could turn off the humanity switch. But at least I’m alive, ticking on.
Further Reading And Events:
New video on Autistic Led YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIEf6h3jSh8&t=78s
Help Rainbow Stars in Sleaford: www.facebook.com/groups/847811632272890/
Second Annual Autistic Craft Fair: www.facebook.com/events/419511522002032/
Cool Capture Photography: www.facebook.com/CoolCapturePhotography/How I See (Long Sutton Market!) www.facebook.com/HowISeeArtPhotography/
Going Forward Social Group: www.facebook.com/groups/1783434501928777/
Little Miracles South Holland: www.facebook.com/Little-Miracles-South-Holland-1532257540353719/
Autistic Lincs Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/Autistic-Lincs-Lincolnshire-Free-Press-2123029224419944/?modal=admin_todo_tour
By autistic author Callum Brazzo
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