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Things medical - apparently.

Things ‘come in threes’ as the saying goes and even in the medical world this seems to be the case file if the following is anything to go by.

Recently I have had (so far) three 'appointments' to see a consultant at an NHS hospital concerning my knee - had an accident last year and it’s being 'monitored' (the knee not me, but I go along with it anyway as it’s fitted half way up my leg) with the first to arrive on the doormat was for October - this year’s one.

Then before I had I even pinned it on the ‘Things to Do and Make Thy Day Great and Complete, Oh Yea’ board, another letter/appointment arrived for the same medically related matter as it's now moved into November but hold yer horses there - as on the very next day, yet another letter/appointment came and so I have three letters, one day after another, last two giving a different time but same day but its for just the ONE same appointment.

Ward's World (18205663)
Ward's World (18205663)

The time element is farcical - a 10 minute difference between the two - as I have never, ever seen anybody for a hospital appointment ‘on time’ yet, so ten minutes is nothing although a friend takes a pack of sandwiches plus flask of coffee for his ‘medical moments’/ appointments.

I wonder if I can get an album to put them in, assuming more arrive as a nice round dozen would be nice, 10 even, as with some folk it’s collecting stamps, football programmes, football clubs even or money but with me it’s medical appointments now but its not through choice you understand.

On the bright side I am grateful that the NHS is not cash strapped otherwise I would have missed out on all this administration tomfoolery and general one hand not knowing what the other is doing - apparently.

John Ward (16810334)
John Ward (16810334)

I am thinking of inquiring if there is a "Patient Training Day" - like Staff Training days in shops and stores for staff - so I can keep up with all these new advances in mindless, time wasting and costly bureaucracy - apparently

Just when I was looking forward to the flap on the letterbox clattering open yielding yet more appointments/changes I was caught unawares by friend John who emailed with his medical woes and the following is basically what he wrote.

His spine was damaged in 1991 when he was hit by a large articulated truck but it has never really mended properly - his spine, not the large articulated truck as he believes to this day the truck survived unscathed.

Occasionally, though thankfully rare, if he twists or bends slightly at odd angles his bones ‘go out of alignment’ at the base of his spine and has to sleep on the floor for a few nights which somehow sorts the problem out.

It was the Saturday morning by now but the bones went out of alignment the previous Monday morning but he was still moving slowly around with the aid of two walking sticks and a ‘grabber’ which picks things up off the floor or low-lying surfaces but every now and then, it felt like an anarchic invisible presence stabs a long sharp sword into his back at the bottom of the spine as in being painful.

He is seeing a osteopath but much woe being he has just discovered that the excellent osteopath he had since about 1992 died two years ago which to him was quite an unexpected shock as (quote) ‘You don’t expect younger, healthier medical people to die before you and certainly not osteopaths, I mean, he was a strong man’.

Hopefully he may be sorted before my next appointment arrives - apparently.

I mentioned friend Mon the human mole recently who is quietly but diligently digging her way to Australia or anywhere in that region that looks interesting since moving into her new abode and trying to sort her garden out, who also has assorted medical problems with the latest one since her digging exploits being an outbreak of ‘Shoveller’s Cramp’ being brought on via her tunneling activities to date but her friend is in a worse state.

She took said friend to their local A & E department (in another regional area) due to suffering severe back pain as being in real agony - she wears a body brace, suffers with osteoporosis and takes a whole collection of tablets, pills and lotions so on a normal level has enough to contend with.

She took her because she could not get to see her own doctor, so went and got her booked into the said A & E just after noon on arrival and left her in their capable hands or as Mon explained it was the economical way, short of taking a bank loan out to pay for the parking ransom had she stopped but would pick her up later.

She was not discharged until 9pm but the same day it should be pointed out.

During her stay various bods stood around her poking, prodding and generally ‘umming and arrring’ with them jointly suggested ultrasound on their ‘wish list’ followed by a scan possibly with the result that she had kidney stones with all the ‘prodder’s and poker’s’ agreeing it seems - apparently.

During her stay at this NHS Hilton, A & E Penthouse Floor, it was due to lack of space at one point she was placed in a store cupboard full of bandages, dressings or all the full ‘Carry On, Nurse’ sort of stuff with the added attraction of having assorted staff popping in and excusing themselves to get supplies and other medical paraphernalia but she was finally moved when she told a concerned nurse she was very cold being in there.

However before being moved another member of staff had entered to get some items, saw her laying on the trolley incapable of moving, still in agony etc as she asked her in a confidential manner (as if anybody would be overhearing) : ‘Does anybody know you’re in here?’

Possibly whoever pushed her in there on said trolley might have some knowledge as she had no control over it - her role was being spark out on it.

Whoever said that ‘Laughter was the best medicine’ may have shared a hospital stock cupboard as well to possibly prompt this notion.

Somebody then appeared - related to the poke and prod brigade - who told her to contact her own doctor to book a MRI scan and off he went.

A little later a.n.other (possibly?) doctor went to see her and told her: (quote) ‘We need to get you an appointment for a MRI scan..’ so if nothing else, this was indeed something they all agreed upon and perhaps this was the ‘second opinion’ process we have heard so much about.

Mon got her home as she now awaits her appointment for her scan while Mon is still digging her way to Australia but it makes you tend to wonder how good or equipped Australian hospital storeroom cupboards are and their visiting hours therein.

I will state I have total faith in the amazing - and at times, amusing - medical staff but I do wish they would get their admin stuff sorted a bit better.

Right must dash as just heard the letterbox flap clattering open - apparently.

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