WEEKEND WEB: It’s time to weed and feed the lawn
OUT IN THE GARDEN: Gardening advice for the non-gardener, in association with Baytree Garden Centre, of Weston
My favourite chair at home is set up in such a way that I have the perfect angle for my televisual pleasure whilst affording easy access for the placement of hot, or at the weekend cold alcoholic, beverages.
To my left is a very large patio door which looks out over my new Katy apple tree and my daughter’s Peter Rabbit-inspired vegetable garden.
Unfortunately the lawn in between these two oases looks more like a scene from a war zone. Only the other week I discovered a Channel 5 news crew in my garden. They were filming a new documentary and , due to budget restrictions, they’d ended up in my garden. The director said it had the look of a war-ravaged garden without the danger of unexploded ordnance.
My wife told me in no uncertain terms that the lawn needed sorting out as she would not entertain any further news crews.
For a job like this I obviously consulted the lawn oracle, Dean at Baytree. He did advise me to contact the police beforehand to avoid another incident like last week.
I conducted a thorough and comprehensive survey of my lawn and created pie charts and graphs which I presented to Claire later that evening.
My survey had revealed the shocking truth that my lawn was more moss than grass. Dean told me to spread Neudorff’s Lawn Cleanse over my lawn. This would kill the moss and feed the grass for up to 100 days. My excitement rose as we discussed lawn spreaders, I knew even if I didn’t need one I had to have one!
The next stage of the process was enjoyable but didn’t start well. Claire had discovered muddy footprints on the kitchen floor whilst I filled my watering can and I was ordered back to Baytree to purchase a new hose pipe.
I loved my new hosepipe with variable nozzle spray head. I pretended I was James Bond, licenced to slightly moisten. Out came Little Nell my new lawn spreader, I spread Gro-Sure Smart Grass Seed at 30g per square metre to my barren lawn. It’s not smart like a phone, it won’t let you text, but it does grow virtually anywhere and the birds don’t like the taste of the seed so they won’t eat it. I haven’t watered the lawn since as it has rained every day.