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The apple doesn't fall far...


This week, I noticed that my Katy apple tree, the one that I planted a few months ago in the hope of brewing award-winning cider, had started dropping its small but perfectly-formed apples onto my lawn. Was my tree dying?

I couldn’t take my apple to A&E because it would take too long to dig it out of the ground, then there’s the problem of transporting the patient safely. It then hit occurred to me, call 111. They’d know what to do with my haemorrhaging apple tree.

Their first question was “Is the patient breathing” “no” I replied. “Is the patient responsive”, 'no' was my answer. “How old is the patient”, “about 2 years old”, I said. “What’s the patient's name?” “Katy”, I said. “Give me your address I’ll get an ambulance sent out to you”.

“Is Katy normally a healthy child” the operator asked me. “No, Katy’s an apple tree”. The line went dead.

I then googled Baytree Garden Centre’s telephone number to speak to Sue the Plant Manager - maybe she could help.

Plant Doctor Sue was able to allay my fears and explain that Katy was suffering from June drop and that it was perfectly natural for this to happen. The down side to this is come harvest time, I will in fact have only one apple with which to make cider.

Anyway, back to the main story, in which I am sure I am not alone in suffering – WEEDS. They are everywhere at the moment, my paths, my newly-planted borders and my veg patch are infested with them.

What I once thought looked like the beginnings of a nice garden now looks like a scene from the Triffids. For those of you unfamiliar with the Triffids, they were huge man-eating plants that featured in a TV show back in the 1980s.

Baytree’s resident weed and pest specialist consultant, Dean Coad, prescribed me a course of Neodorff Fast Acting Weed killer, which does not contain Glyphosate but only naturally-occurring organic compounds which are child, pet and bee safe once applied and dried. Mr Coad explained how important it was to look after the bees in the garden.

The best thing though - because it’s organic, I can control the weeds in my raised veg bed without fear of poisoning anyone.

Anyhow, I need to get on and call Securicor to arrange 24-hour security for my last remaining apple. Other security firms are available.


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