ELECTORAL REGISTER: I would never be so ridiculous

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My local council wrote to me recently asking me to confirm who lived at my address for the electoral role register.

I forgot to respond as I was very busy. Therefore I received a reminder asking me to respond by March 6 – otherwise they would conclude that I no longer lived there.

I decided to send an email to let them know I was still in the house and here is my response, enjoy:

Dear Sir/Madam

Further to your recent letter requesting details of occupancy, I am writing to advise that I Mark Street live at that address.

You recently wrote to me at the above address and addressed the letter to “The Occupier” requesting confirmation of who resides here. I have lived at the address for the last 12 years and should I leave or someone else move into that address I am more than capable of advising you so.

I intend to continue residing at this address for the foreseeable future and would also like to advise that I intend to live alone; although you may find this hard to believe I’m often accused of being patronising and miserable and therefore not fortunate enough to meet anyone willing to put up with me, let alone reside at the above address with me.

I would like to advise you by me not responding sooner is merely an indication that I have more important things to do and I am extremely busy; your assumption that I no longer continue to reside at the above address is absolute nonsense.

If I do not hear from you by the March 16, I will NOT conclude the offices are empty and that you are all unemployed as that would simply be ridiculous.

Mark Street

via email