STRAIGHT TALK: Not a fan of weddings but I’ll watch Royal one

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I’ll be watching tomorrow.

I’m not big on weddings though I’ve written enough about them in many years as a local paper journalist.

Like other people’s houses, I always find the ones that have had most money thrown at them the least interesting.

My favourite local bride and groom were the pair who decided to spend what spare cash they had towards a house, and ran away to Gretna Green to tie the knot.

How sensible, I felt.

Then my daughter announced she was getting married and a perfectly reasonable young woman who’s normally funny and irreverent became possessed by the wedding industry for ten months or more.

Details like favours and bridesmaids’ corsages and whether the photographer should sit in on her pre-wedding toilette seemed to be all she thought about.

She was very serious about it and as is the way with many modern couples she and our son-in-law insisted on paying for it so it was their choice entirely.

I actually feared we’d lost her, but can reassure parents about to go through it themselves that after the wedding, she’s back, and she’s better company than ever.

The change wasn’t permanent, thank goodness, but it was alarmingly like watching someone you love disappear into a sausage machine.

However it did help me empathise with a bride facing a big wedding. She was horribly nervous even minutes before the ceremony,

That was before a one venue wedding in a country house hotel in front of 60 family and friends.

So how much worse can it be for Kate Middleton looking forward to getting spliced in front of a worldwide audience of two billion in the glorious setting of Westminster Abbey?

Apparently Kate has had a recurring nightmare for years that has come back with a vengeance this week, in time to haunt her for her big day.

She’s pictured herself standing naked in front of that worldwide television audience in Westminster Abbey.

A Royal source told The Sun: “She finds herself in front of the congregation and then becomes suddenly aware she is completely naked.

“There is a deathly silence – and everyone from the Queen to Prince Philip is staring at her.”

The poor girl apparently also has a very real fear she might not stay upright during her four-minute walk down the aisle.

The Sun claims she has been loading up on protein shakes to overcome her “sheer terror” that she might faint on her way to becoming Prince William’s wife.

That’s why after all I’m going to be glued to the TV tomorrow.

Not because I think for a moment that her worst anxiety imaginings will come true – of course there isn’t a chance she’ll collapse.

But because after all it’s not about money or lack of it, but about a couple in love.