Fine, I’ll use the F-word

News from the Lincs Free Press and Spalding Guardian, spaldingtoday.co.uk, @LincsFreePress on Twitter
News from the Lincs Free Press and Spalding Guardian, spaldingtoday.co.uk, @LincsFreePress on Twitter
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So, I have got your attention with the title today, writes columnist Carolyn Aldis, but it’s probably not the word you are thinking of.

This F-word is the one we use when we have a problem that either we don’t want to talk about or we don’t want to embarrass the listener or ourselves by talking about it.

I am ashamed that fine was not the only F-word that went through my mind at that point, but I blamed my hormones.

The word is fine.

Before I got married, my fiancé and I were going through the process of buying a house. This on its own is fairly stressful, so add to that wedding plans, plus both of us working full time......we were maxed out energy-wise.

So when we met up with people and they would ask how the plans were going, initially we would discuss in detail what was going on and ask for prayer, but over time, I couldn’t keep going over the same old thing again and again. I resorted to using the F-word.

“How’s it all going?” “Fine.”

“Wedding plans coming together ok?” “Fine.”

“How is the house sale going through?” “Fine.”

It was just so much easier to use that one word than explain in detail …when you are playing a waiting game it becomes tedious repeating yourself.

The worst case of this was when I was in the last couple of months of pregnancy. I would see the same people every week and without fail, some wit would say “You still here, then?” Inside I would be cross but outwardly I would smile and say “Yes, still here.”

This would go on for weeks, with a final comment towards the end of my pregnancy. “You still here, then? I didn’t realise you would get THAT big!”

I am ashamed that fine was not the only F-word that went through my mind at that point, but I blamed my hormones.

In the past, when I have been asked” How are you?”, I have opened up about stuff and gone completely off script, going into detail about a situation and then I’ve caught the look on their face, a mixture of perplexity, incredulity and fear and realised that it wasn’t a question, just a shallow interaction and I would hastily swallow my words and say “Its all fine, really,” and be rewarded with a relieved look.

Not everyone wants to get involved. The standard script of: “Hi, how are you doing?” “Fine thanks,” is all some people want.

I have friends whose daughter died of cancer. 6 months after the funeral, I was visiting my old church and her father was there.

I went over to where he sat, alone......his wife couldn’t face seeing people, but he was there, smiling as he saw me.

I hugged him and then stepped back asking with genuine concern “I know this is a stupid thing to ask at a time like this, but how are you?”

He had a twinkle in his eye and said “Fine.”

“Wow...that bad?” I said and we both smiled.

It’s not easy getting past the F-word, but if we push through, relationships reach a new level.

Who knows...you may need someone to support you one day when everything is just fine...